The Most Disastrous Bat-marriages Ever!

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Marrying Batman is obviously a bad idea. Saying you love a Bat-person in a world with a Joker is the only way you can get a priest to help you attempt suicide. Nevertheless, the Bat-mythos has marriages aplenty, and they’re never not terrible.

Plant Person

In The New Batman Adventures episode “Chemistry”, Bruce Wayne falls head over heels in love with a beautiful stranger, and of course Poison Ivy is involved. It takes the world’s greatest detective a lot longer to work it out. He should really start wearing anti-pheromone Bat-cologne. In the most romantic invasion of the body snatchers ever made, he finds out his beautiful bride is really a plant-clone, and w efind out that Batman’s “no killing” rule doesn’t count if you can photosynthesize.

Batman’s Marriage Trap!

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You wouldn’t think many women would want up for a man who’s defining characteristics are always being out every night, getting in fights, and spending all his money on shiny toys for himself. Which didn’t stop this sixties story where a mob boss decides to distract the Dark Knight by throwing a young, impressionable woman at the most eligible bat-chelor in history. And not realizing how predictable the result would be. She dropped the mob boss behind bars and turned to the side of right, because once you go Bat, you don’t go bat.

Talia Al-Ghul

Marrying the deadly assassin daughter of an immortal arch-enemy. Every single thing that resulting from that union was a murderously bad idea, including the child. The fallout is the most brutal ongoing child-custody battle in history.

Batwoman

The creative team behind Batwoman recently resigned. DC decided that they were fine with Batwoman being beaten, chained, tortured, and threatened with brutal death, monthly, but she wasn’t allowed to get married. But only after the writer and artist had invested more than a year in the build-up.

Come on, DC: we know the hero’s wedding is meant to interrupted by a cowardly, vengeful gang of villains, but it’s meant to happen in the comic, not to the comic.