Titan Comics have acquired the rights to bring us Doctor Who. And they couldn’t have timed it better. The BBC have unveiled the new Doctor, and if the coverage of this single shot is anything to go by, the next entire episode will hypnotize the entire planet for 45 minutes. Peter Capaldi is taking the mantle of the most popular, most outlandish, most alien character in BBC history, and he looks …
… like a geography teacher on karaoke night. He looks like the world’s least adventurous stripper showing off his entirely clothed-crotch at the end of his set. Capaldi comments “Simple, stark, and back to basics. No frills, no scarf, no messing, just 100% Rebel Time Lord.” Except the Doctor’s “basic” has always been “look like he was dressed by a drunk blindfolded in the BBC’s costume department”. Which may actually have been the case. Even the first Doctor out-dappered him, and the first Doctor’s entire character was “fussy old dementia victim”
“No no no, even I think that looks a bit boring, and I was broadcast when even admitting genitals existed would get you cancelled.”
We appreciate the Doc Martins, but it’s not as if the simple-style-shit-kicking Doctor hasn’t already been done.
“Don’t mind me, I only resurrected the franchise.”
Of course, this is just us joining in overanalyzing everything because we can’t wait for the new series either. We’re not really worried. We’re sure Capaldi will catapult the series into spacetime adventures we’ve never seen, just as any good Time Lord should. But it’s a shame to see one of the only popular BBC characters who doesn’t dress as if he’s going to a funeral later giving up that ability.